Do as I say and not as I do…?

bereavement, Cancer, Child, complicated, death, grief, loss, mother, mourning 1 Minute

Today I’m hugely conflicted.

I awake to a smart phone that flashes and beeps 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with social media notifications, and bereavement alerts of one description or another.

But today is not just another day; it’s the anniversary of my nephew’s death.  So I have notifications and reminders of this fact via Facebook, emails & texts- as if I wasn’t already acutely aware of the date.

The conflict is whether I share my memories or photos, or my feelings in such a public forum.  Do I change my profile picture? Post a photo of my nephew? Post a loving memorial telling ‘the world’ how much he’s loved and never forgotten?  Or do I keep quiet, and privately remember, and treasure our short time with him, and all the joy he brought in the three and a half years he was with us?

As a bereavement support worker, I’m an advocate for being open about death, dying and bereavement; a death denying society is not a healthy one in my opinion.  Death is a natural part of life, and grieving is necessary and healthy.  But I’m not sure I want to express my thoughts and feelings in such a public way, or to people that never knew my nephew.

Which brings me here.  To a fairly private, largely anonymous forum where I can express myself to those who ‘get it’, without the platitudes, and devoid of the ‘stalkers’ who are my friends that read but don’t comment..

This is my way & you will have your way.

So this is my tribute to a beautiful child that touched our lives in so many ways.

Always loved & never forgotten 💛

 

Published by The Grief Geek

I am currently researching for a PhD that incorporates aspects of grief so all posts are written from a research supported perspective. If you are aware of research with an alternative or with updated information please get in touch. I welcome all comments, feedback & the sharing of knowledge. I have been volunteering and working within the world of bereavement and pre-bereavement since 1988 when I experienced my first significant death. Since then I have been bereaved many times in many ways and as a ‘thinking griever’ have tried to make sense of my own experiences through research, education and training, whilst supporting others and professionally and as a volunteer too. I am also the author of Grief Demystified: An Introduction; debunking prevailing grief and bereavement myths and providing evidential information to the bereaved and professionals. My email address is: thegriefgeek@yahoo.com Twitter: @thegriefgeek Website: www.carolinelloyd.co.uk ORCID iD orcid.org/0000-0003-1150-6093

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19 thoughts on “Do as I say and not as I do…?”

  5. Hi Caroline, we get so involved in our research which hopefully will have a positive effect on others and then life and death smacks us in the face and reminds us how we are personally motivated in our studies. Thinking of you x

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  9. Hello all. Sounds a little macabre but I just stumbled on ‘death corner’ so to speak and rapidly clicked to follow about half a dozen grief/death bloggers. Glad to know I’m far from the only one who is drawn to the subject, perhaps I might find others who have also been unpleasantly preoccupied with tje idea of death since childhood and am prone to a sudden utterly immobilizing death-fear a little like a panic attack; and of course finding these writings is an instant reminder that I my personal current grief stricken is shared daily by millions and will touch everyone at some point in their lives. So, thinking of you too today and I look forward to having a good read of what may well be a.very beneficial discovery for me, at this particular moment, as well. Perhaps that’s why I found you. Best to you and all others in this comunity. PH

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    1. Thank you for reading & commenting PH. I hope you find comfort in what you find & if you’d like to chat or would like signposting please don’t hesitate to contact me. Best wishes, Caroline

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment Cindy, its taken a while for me to get to this point so you comment is warmly & gratefully received. Caroline

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